Layne’s Wine Gig Presents
MILLENNIAL YARD SALE
By Layne V. Witherell
You have a kid in a stroller and one on the way. It’s time to make some changes. Most notably, a move from the dinky Portland one bedroom, one bath apartment you have been in for five years. Portland is unaffordable at your income level – $7 per hour plus shared tips as a sommelier at a chic restaurant where diners pay $400 for lobster rolls sprinkled with caviar.
The move to the burbs or beyond may require a change from your previous city hipster lifestyle and will necessitate some getting rid of both stuff and possibly some of your prior identity. It’s time for a millennial yard sale – good thing you saved those rare wine lists.
ORSON SQUIRE FOWLER PHRENOLOGY HEAD, $50.00
This famed 19th century relic was as emblematic of the “natural wine movement” in the early 2000’s as the bong was to the pot movement of the 60’s. It was the very symbol of classic pseudo-science of people like the famed Austrian architect, clairvoyant, occultist, and whack job Rudolf Steiner (1861-1925), father of the biodynamic burial of blessed cow dung and crystals in your vineyard to ensure you that your vines and wine imbibe correctly on either “root days or fruit days.” Check your lunar astrological calendar for that one. This was all about going back to the land and wine made in a yurt. Steiner is the MacDaddy of the rebirth of peasant farming.
When you have that second kid, those overpriced artisanal, rustic, crushable hipster wines may fade into the past. You might want to look into cheapie canned seltzers as an option.
YOUR TASTEVIN: Sale price $20.00
Your actual cost is $1,800 for the Wine School of Philadelphia Intensive Accelerated Sommelier Wine Course. (Become a member for $1.00 and save 40% on the summer course – limited time only, just like those “buy it now” wines that pop up on your phone.)
As you proceed to get a real job you will look longingly back at your sommelier days. The tastevin originated as a little light reflecting tasting cup in those dank, dimly lit Burgundy cellars. I have been there, and they are all that. The wily Burgundians put a ribbon on it, put it in a parade, and made it a fashion statement. This has been your uniform and emblem.
Two thoughts on sommeliers: This is the you that will be happy you sold that thing and moved onto a job that pays real money. “The throbbing hangover” from the pandemic is the disappearance of the sommelier. There has become a creation of a hybrid gig involving bartenders, servers and managers… “the people who turn otherwise unknown bottles into delicious adventures are rarely seen strolling the dining room.” These people were the classics of American dining, presenting wisdom and a friendly face. The ‘Somm films’ made people think it was a sacred job. (“The Twilight of the American Sommelier,” Eric Asimov, New York Times, Feb. 16, 2024.)
On the other hand: if the dinky town you move to has become invaded by Brooklyn expats you might want to hold on to your tastevin. Celine Bossart, food activist, content creator, wine fashionista, photographer, activist sommelier, and wearer of restaurant work “fits” that move from “staid elitism to statement attire” may be your new neighbor. Someone to chat with about the “good old days.”
DOWNSIZE THOSE WINE GLASSES: Big wine glasses $5.00 each.
The current trend is about drinking less. You could switch to unpalatable dealcoholized wine but that probably won’t last long. Best thing is to simply measure out a little amount in your now smaller glasses. You might want to keep a couple of very large pinot noir glasses as the small ones just don’t allow the wine to open up and shine. These are the things you may regret selling at a later date at your millennial yard sale.
BOOKS: $5.00 (wine list prices on request)
What is a decent yard sale without books?
‘WINE POLITICS: How Governments, Environmentalists, Mobsters, and Critics Influence the wines we drink,’ by Tyler Colman, U.C. Berkeley, 2008
This is the book that explains why you can’t get that glorious little wine you discovered at the mom-and-pop winery on vacation in Idaho and wanted shipped to your doorstep. Included is your copy of the ultimate Portland hipster wine list from the departed restaurant Drifters Wife, ca. 2017. Your one stop shop to early Portland coolness. It just drifted away. Was it a wine shop or a restaurant? You never really figured out which. Just $5.00 for the book, notes included gratis.
‘REAL WINE : The rediscovery of natural winemaking,” by Patrick Matthews, London, 2000
Included are notes from classes that you taught about natural wine and a David Brooks article, “Lady Gaga and a Life of Passion: Learning lessons from over the top,” New York Times, unknown date. Only $10.00 for the book – various rare ephemera will appear on e-bay.
GAMBERO ROSSO, 2017: 1,000 pages of every Italian wine on the planet
Your copy of this book is crammed with endless numbers of wine lists, receipts, and menus from Portland to Rome. Above it is photographed together with rare copies of the ill-fated Trattoria Fanny restaurant at 3 Deering Avenue, corner of Bramhall on the West End in Portland, from February 2017. The wine list is thoroughly annotated with comments and numerous price changes. It is a classic commentary of the arrival of high-priced distributor and restaurant markup wines before their time. Note: early use of the word “crushable” on a local wine list. The food was authentic Roman; the wine list was overambitious.
You’ve always picked a book sturdy enough to hold a pile of lists. Some classics include:
A receipt from Cul de Sac, Piazza Pasquino, a great wine bar in Rome, from July 10th, 2014. The wine: Emidio Pepe Trebbiano d’ Abruzzo, 26.90 Euro. It goes for $300 a bottle today, if you can find it. Ancient Roman winemaking from a master. One of Italy’s first cult wines. Tastes of dried mushrooms and stony minerals. A wine that stops you in your tracks. No oak aging. Bottles aged and decanted by hand at the winery.
The list from Rosioli Via dei Giubbonari in Rome, where you always need to book well in advance. The wine list in 2014 was 25 pages long. It’s an encyclopedic list from the world’s greatest deli. They hate giving out their wine lists. FYI, they have a pricey wine club that can maybe, just maybe, ship to your house.
The list from the Roma Cafe and Chef Ron Medlock Present “Big Night,” dinner and movie in 2018. He is now famous at Papi in Portland (I’ve got a signed menu). One of the wilder dining experiences in Portland.
Giving others a peruse: The ancient Rome dinner menu with Layne Witherell, Roma Café, 767 Congress, Portland, 2021, featureing a local author on stage; Twenty Milk Street, “Tribute to the farm” wine dinner, 2011; Special Winemaker Dinner, Vignola, 2011; Roma Café Piedmont wine dinner, 2023; Via Vecchia wine list, 2023, ten pages of a knockout list. (Emidio Pepe wines are $300.00 per bottle.) Not to mention the articles, such as “Restoring Roman wines to a princely state,” New York Tines, 2013, which is about an old family feud and a winery in Rome.
CLORAFILLA CUCINA E DISTILLATI, Vicolo delle Grotte, 17, 00186 ROME
One last list to mention from the Central Provisions of Rome. A must stop restaurant for the drinks, food service, and ambiance. Colorful menu and wine list. Very encyclopedic and reasonable.
Save those wine lists and menus as they can become keepsakes, relics, and rarities. Your millennial world with the early Drifters Wife wine list and the equally rarer Trattoria Fanny menu and list can be trotted out at later dates to inform the kiddos about how under the radar cool Portland was when you were there as a millennial “back in my day.”
