Layne’s Wine Gig
HELP…HELP WANTED
By Layne V. Witherell
This edition of Layne’s Wine Gig is the culmination of several things. First, I have seen, experienced, and done in forty-plus years virtually everything the glorious (and occasionally not so glorious) wine business has to offer. Most importantly, it is those howlingly funny moments that provide the inspiration for articles.
Stopping for gas, some snacks, and a beverage at a convenience store should be a no brainer. Money in hand, I stood behind a semi-hysterical woman who was yelling loudly at the clerk behind his plexiglass counter that her favorite wine wasn’t on the shelf. Hell, none of anyone’s favorite wines were on the shelf as they were in an unkempt pile of unopened boxes on the floor.
He yelled back that he had repeatedly called his local distributor to come and stock the shelves. In Maine, it is mostly distributors who perform this function for retailers. So, what went wrong?
As a reporter and not a rep, I decided to do a little digging, to pull the curtain aside and look at people’s roles in the REAL wine business.
There are a bevy of websites for this kind of search. We will begin with the over forty assorted wine jobs available in Maine and then move on to look at one job on the national level. Out of courtesy, I chose to omit company names.
WINE MERCHANDIZER/DRIVER
8 job listings at around $18/hr
It should be listed as Executive Vice President of Deliveries and Shelf Management. This is the importance that those wine boxes scattered throughout the store carry, especially when the poor, beleaguered clerk calls your company and frantically asks to speak with “the boss.”
SMALL WINE SHOP/RETAIL SALES
6 job listings, the number varies daily from place to place
This can be some adventuresome stuff, and based upon the variety of locations, it could require a move. But why not? You may dip your toes in the water in the wine biz and, if you are lucky, sample a zillion wines. That is the real perk that you want. Include on your resume that you are reading “Wine Grapes: A Complete Guide to 1,368 Vine Varieties,” by Jancis Robinson, and are hoping someday to taste all of them.
Be sure to bring your corkscrew with you for additional street cred.
WINE BUYER/SMALL EXCLUSIVE GOURMET STORE
Openings pop up frequently
This is the “when every rep is your best friend” part of the job. Each one has a smallish tunnel vision called their “book.” A folded label from the hallowed 1982 vintage of Chateau Mouton Rothschild neatly tucked in your wallet acts as a talisman to wave about and keep the most aggressive rep vampires at bay. You must create your own vision, treat them all with a ruthless kindness, and buy with a shrewdness like the next case of wine is your last.
Sounds like fun. It can be. Be knowledgeable and tough during your interview.
SALES REP/SMALL WINE DISTRIBUTOR
2-3 job openings
You should study them thoroughly before you meet. Carry a well-worn copy of “Cork Dork,” by Bianca Bosker, with you for your interview and turn to page 51, reciting during your interview the advice to plant a deer bladder stuffed with yarrow weed in your vineyard. Also be ready to state verbatim the biodynamic difference between a tasting calendar’s “fruit day” versus “root day.”
Congrats, you just got the job, and joined a cult. If you really luck out, the company will specialize in cool interesting wines and not be obsessed in the “cosmic forces in the soil.”
SALES REP/MEDIUM DISTRIBUTOR
4 job openings
You will absolutely need to know which New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc sells best as it is the hot no-brainer wine, along with a description of its difference from Sancerre and California examples. In case you are ever asked: grapefruit, flinty, grassy- remember them. This comparison question may or may not ever happen again.
They will ask during the interview what your goals are. You cannot repeat the New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc answer on this one. There is but one goal- the hallowed Wine and Spirits Education Trust Level 3 on your resume allowing you to put the scriptural word SOMMELLIER on your resume.
This is the modern, required door opener, and a pricey one at that. The wines, levels, tests, etc., amount to a 4-year college slog a glass at a time and signify little in the way of an actual accredited degree. There are several close relatives: The Court of Master Sommeliers and Master of Wine. The hallowed land for you is that the company is so thrilled with your Sauvignon Blanc sales enthusiasm that they offer to pay for all $700,000 worth of wines and course fees.
SALES REP/GIGANTIC WINE DISTRIBUTOR
Usually, several job openings
This gig requires and demands total obedience as the company and their wineries are both huge and tuned to military precision. As part of the company culture, it is wise during the interview to memorize all of Phil Mickelson’s major tournament golf wins over the past several decades. A real door opener. Remember, the gigantic wineries will never be satisfied with your sales performance.
SALES MANAGEMENT/MEDIUM SIZED DISTRIBUTOR
Several usually listed
“Years of experience on the street.” The key interview elements are your ability to try to keep cool when: First, that hysterical convenience store clerk calls and demands that the wines be stocked from the floor NOW. Second, your best rep – that you have shelled out the 750 big ones for their WSET classes – decides to call it quits and move to Florida. Please, not Florida! Third: one of your favorite medium sized wineries has just been acquired for 300 million bucks and they are on a conference call howling that you up the game and get displays everywhere (even that convenience store). Fourth: you are starving for lunch and the only thing you have the time to do is a Wendy’s drive thru while eating in your car. This is why they pay the big bucks.
SECURITY SPECIALIST in CA
In California there are countless positions in the real wine business. But one absolutely stood out as the epitome of corporate culture in this era: Security Specialist for a major group of wineries.
I have edited the 400-word job description:
Monitors arrival and departure of guests. Helicopter observer occasionally to prevent potential intruders. Can make citizen’s arrest of intruders. Removal of dangerous animals (inc. feral pigs). Provides transportation of family and guests. Assists with logistics and vehicle maintenance. Attends firearms training and other company mandated sessions. Assists with the care of family pets as needed [I am not making this up]. Handles guest luggage. Able to work all shifts, morning, swing, and graveyard. All shifts and holidays in all weather conditions. Bi-lingual in Spanish highly desired. High school diploma. Ability to walk in rough terrain.
So, you thought that being a delivery driver was rough?
This and a myriad of other out of state positions are listed on winebusiness.com.
There you have it. A little capsule of life just behind the “Help Wanted” sign. As a sage once said, “The wine business is filled with millions of little bliss moments.”
Find your bliss and please don’t harangue the help.
Layne has been a professional in the wine business for many decades as a teacher, importer, writer, competition judge, and winery CEO. He was awarded the Master Knight of the Vine for his pioneering work in the Oregon wine industry.
Read more of his posts here.
Or visit his blog at http://winemaniacs.wordpress.com/blog.
